Helpless.

You know when people say, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone?”

I’d like to think that I always appreciate what I have. Especially when my mind I am living in a much better world than in reality.

But I guess all of that is subjective.

The other day I left my dog with my future roommate.

We had just finished looking at an apartment and I had an appointment scheduled to get a haircut.

So instead of going back and forth to take my dog home, I asked if he could watch him for about an hour and I would come right back and get him.

Now let me just begin to say that my dog is a special little thing. In every way possible. Special to me…. and also special as in, his brain… the way it works…. it really is a piece of work.

This dog is really attached to me. I already knew that. But I only realized how badly he was attached to me that day.

My roommie and the dog had met maybe twice. I thought that was enough but I was wrong. And the motherly instinct had a feeling….(yes motherly doesn’t just apply to human beings).

So I let my roommie have the leash.

I gave my dog his ball and portable water bowl.

Then I gave my dog a quick goodbye.

(Shorter than usual because I was in a hurry.)

I get in the car and drive off, looking back to make sure my baby was okay.

I saw he was looking around for me but did not think anything of it because I told him “I’ll be back”.

That’s one of his many words. He knows lots of short phrases.

“Mama will BE BACK buddy.”

Not even 5 minutes. I’m only a few lights away.

I get a panicked phone call.

“Hey, your dog is really freaking out. Can you help me bring him back up to my place? He won’t listen.”

“Yeah sure – just talk to him. I’m coming. I should have known.”

I turn around and then get another call. And this is where my heart sunk.

His voice was in sheer panic. I’ve never heard a guy ever sound so worried.

“HURRY! He chewed through the leash! He’s running away from me! I need to know where you are so I can tell you where to go!!”

My face felt like it went white and my stomach crumbled into an abyss.

All I thought was my dog, my kid….honestly the only family I have….Is out crossing the road somewhere about to get hit by a car.

I felt so helpless.

Pretty sure on the phone with my roommate I said a thing or two that made me realize the severity of my depression and the fact this dog is the only thing holding it together.

If anything happened to my dog……

Anything…..

I couldn’t even fathom the feeling that washed over me.

Somehow I wasn’t in tears. Just a blank state. Same when my mom died.

Then something came over me and it was fight or flight mode.

Again, why does my life always flip this switch on me…. why do we need to test me all the time.

I tell my future roommate to put his phone on speaker.

“BUDDY! HEY! COME HERE.” I said ….hopefully sounding more angry than terrified.

I wish I had saw what exactly my dog did in that moment.

I started calling his name over the phone. Told him to come here. Once he stopped running, I kept comforting him over the phone and told him “mama is coming back, I’ll be back, stay there! I’m coming back, ok? Be a good boy! STAY! ….STAY. RIGHT. THERE.”

Dammnit. Thinking to myself this fucking dog. Why is he so smart…..

My roomate said it worked. He got a hold of him and he started calming down.

Eventually he explained where they were located. A few blocks down.

Down a few streets, few intersections, and at damn bus station where my dog ran over the tracks.

Somehow I managed to find them.

I jump over a fence and walk over to my worried dog who compulsively licks my face and jumps all over me. Poor boy was quite terrified.

The guy looked terrified too. Look on his face was just as white as mine.

“THANK YOU! Oh my god… I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you so much for chasing him and not loosing sight of him.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

I gave him a ride back to his place. Apologized a million times and said that it’s not his fault. I left my dog with basically a stranger. He did not know you very well. He lost his mom and started freaking out.

I can’t believe he chewed through his leash. His leash……..wow.

I guess if he wants something…. he’s going to get it for sure.

Later, I drove the whole way in silence.

My dog at one point jumped into the front seat. He looked at me with his ears pressed and his back turned against me.

I started tearing up. The feeling finally hit me.

I was angry, sad, and relieved. I think he knew that.

And I now knew why moms get so angry…..because they love you so much.

I talked to him and tried to explain in a very cave-man-like way, that he needed to stay…. and that I have never lied to him when I say “I’ll be back.”

Maybe he didn’t hear me when I left him.

I thought my short goodbye was probably because of being late to my haircut appointment – but in reality, I think I felt a little embarrassed of how much I talk to my dog.

But why? So stupid on my part.

People who don’t have a strong bond with an animal – they don’t understand. They tend to laugh and think you’re crazy or weird.

But I think I can connect with almost any animal, that is, given enough time.

And I also think people can be really stupid for laughing.

I’m not mad at the roommie.

I just don’t think a lot of millennials realize (or care) that you can interact with other beings other than humans….and especially other than your stupid smart phone and social media.

Jane Goodall was able to connect with apes that could tear her head off and play soccer with it.

Marine biologists are tracking specific animals and monitoring their behaviors.

Zoologists and other animal lovers are able to have relationships with animals that are being rehabilitated.

Connect.

Don’t show fear.

Be slow.

Learn about the creature.

You are on THEIR pace.

And once there is a bond – It’s a beautiful thing.

On second thought – maybe this guy didn’t know what to do with a panicked puppy.

Maybe the ego of kneeling down and talking to an animal like a human seemed too degrading.

I remember on the phone telling him to talk to my dog. Tell him I am coming. Specifically “mama will be back.”

My dog knows who mama is.

And he knows “be back”.

So simple.

And when I heard him say that while being on the phone – those words coming out of his mouth just did not seem natural.

Or comforting.

Just panicked. So much of it. I felt it through the phone.

I switched to full dog mom mode on speaker with my baby and did not care what anyone thought.

Dogs sense fear. Dogs sense discomfort.

So do other animals.

My dog knew my voice. And he heard that I was calm on the phone. I was giving him commands over the phone. Wow… who would of thought he would listen? *much sarcasm intended*

So why is it that humans nowadays cannot slow down.

We are so, “go-go-go” that no one seems to try and observe animal behavior or just body language, surroundings, etc….. Just to a pane freeze and forget what you are doing.

Capture this little three by five.

Study the details.

Then eventually learn to do it quickly and with each encounter or situation.

This works in so many settings.

How is this person breathing?

How close are they to me – or to anyone? Are they leaning on something? Do they look tense?

People, animals, anything…. WHAT ENERGY is being exerted. What does it feel like?

You can tell so much without words.

And people lack this skill.

What a shame.

If only people would put down their phones.

Put down their ego.

Really tune into things.

I think that would help aid in human to human interactions…connections… and human to animal interactions.

We are so disconnected!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I see this on such a regular basis it is soul crushing.

Just listen. And go at the other person/animal/etc… pace.

And be calm. Learn to control and assess the situation.

So next time, I think I won’t worry that people think I’m a crazy animal person. Because there are people like myself.

I saved a bird the other day. Picked it right off the ground without it noticing. Caused it no stress and relocated it to a safer area.

A woman I work with everyday goes and feeds the squirrels. She calls them from the palm trees and recognizes certain ones. They recognize her too.

They have a small bond. They have a trust. They know all she does is comes to feed them almonds or peanuts.

And that is all.

My dog knows a lot more about people than those squirrels.

Just for perspective.

And I’m sure elephants and blue whales are even smarter but people dismiss them as intelligence animals and hunt and kill them or use them in the circus. Torture them.

Makes me so sad how ignorant people are to animals. They do not even TRY to connect……aka talk but not talk to this animal. If that makes any sense.

Energy is everything.

And I wish to connect with even more animals.

Why?

Because animals are much easier to understand than humans.

They always will be…..

They are loyal once you have a bond. They trust. And their emotions are so straightforward – out in the open with nothing to hide. No judgment.

I don’t think I need to explain more.