Careless energy

Last weekend I rode my longboard for the first time in months.

We planned on going to the beach that day. But first needed to grab some breakfast in Malibu.

Eventually we made it to Zuma. There was this little paved bike/car lane parallel to the beach.

Surfer boy suggested I give it a go.

And, I did.

I was buzzing from puffing quite a bit of green goodness that day.

So when I hopped on my board it was so careless. I twisted and turned. Glided. Squatted and leaned. My hair was blowing in the air and the sun gleamed on my skin, keeping me warm as the sea gently whisked by.

I was playing with physics really. And the pavement was so smooth that I had a long, steady ride to enjoy.

We took turns and then I think he eventually just realized how happy I was being in my blissful head space.

As an anxious person, it’s state I don’t get to be in often.

We later went to a coffee shop nearby and I had one of the most unusually relaxing moments – perhaps of my life… I had no idea where it came from or why either.

The moment came so easily.

And unfortunately, just as easily wanted to flee because of my ever so creeping anxiety – for absolutely no reason.

But I managed to pep talk myself into holding onto this perfect moment, perfect scene, and perfect day.

I wanted it to last a little longer.

And so I talked myself into it.

Surfer boy went inside to get us some coffee and I found a little spot to sit in the shade with my dog.

I had a hoodie on that kept me perfectly comfortable. Which led me to believe that comfort is seriously crucial for taming any nervous energy.

It’s the least you can do to make things less anxiety prone.

So as I sat there in the beautiful plaza courtyard, I listened to the birds, the water trickling from the fountain, and any other little details.

My dog sparked this observation. He was very aware of every little detail in the moment as his ears shifted direction with each subtle noise and his little snoot sniffed the air.

I had nowhere to be and nothing to worry about. Truly. For the first time in a very, very long time.

But it seemed wrong – un-natural for me, because this never happens.

And so my mind started doing “the thing”.

Us anxious folks know where it begins and how it unfolds.

But I managed to stop it from unfolding and I was so proud of myself for that.

I really got to take back my moment and enjoy it again without worry.

I told myself a few things.

The past and the future does not matter right now.

There is nowhere you need to be.

Nobody needs you.

You have no responsibility in this given moment.

Stop thinking about anything that does not involve this moment, this place, and exactly where you are.

Again, if it’s in the past or in the future – it’s not something you can control right now. This is not the time and place for that.

I breathed and leaned my head back.

Actively focused on anything that dealt with the present.

And then the boy came out with our coffees.

Flashed me a sexy smile.

And I continued to enjoy the day.

Sipping my coffee.

On a leisurely Saturday afternoon in Malibu.