Umbrella Man

Howdy.

You ever bump into your pre-teen or early teen version of youself?

The one who gets easily frustrated when something is new or uncomfortable — the part of you that knows a change is needed, but would rather quit and start over with a “fresh slate” than push through the challenge. It feels like a reset… but really, it’s just going in circles instead of facing it head-on.

Things should definitely come easy. Like relationships.

It’s come to my attention that I had been stuck in certain habits, ones I was not even really aware of. And sometomes when a good thing is in front of me, all my usual confidence becomes this shakey, “OH NO”

Then I gasp and then nerves kick me right in the gut.

Law of attraction is so fascinating isn’t it?

If you mirror fear and nervousness, your crush will too. Even if on the outside you play it cool as a cucumber – inside it’s a bunch of needles and glass shards freaking out. WHY though?

And that “why”, is what I’ve been wanting to figure out for two days.

Last night the teen, pre-teen came out in bed. Mad because she couldn’t understand. Mad because it’s confusing. Because she’s not trying to come off any wrong way. All she want’s is to have a free flowing good thing happen with no expectations. Just the excitement of something new which sometimes starts off as fear rather than those sweet butterflies.

It’s too intense, too early, for no reason.

I barely know this person. It’s just a crush. Why am I nervous?

Many people definitely have felt this way at one point or another.

It’s a spark maybe. Into the unknown.

And to know that your energy is mirrored, makes it even more frustrating.

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Recently, I had a good friend of mine, oddly with impeccable timing, send me a video of a woman explaining what a man basically is.

In 2025 we like to trash on men. Cause let’s be honest, between what men consume today and how they act, the picking is slim. Or in her analogy, they are the cheap $10 Wal-mart umbrellas.

“Think of a man as an umbrella” she said.

When it rain’s we need them. However, they need to be held up, and used for what they were programmed for.

And the woman in the video continues to say things like, you might not be ready when the rain hit’s and that’s when you go grab the $10 umbrella on the corner market that gonna get the job done.

And hey, it does get the job done – no matter the value you put on that specific umbrella.

Or you might want the Chanel one, or the one with a wooden handle.

In my case, I want the one with a wooden handle and a hidden dagger inside. Jokes aside.

She says God has given man this capacity and responsibility.

Now the woman is supposed to hold him up while he protects her.

Seems valid right.

But here’s the caveat. There is so much pressure on women.

“Hold him up” – give him the attention and support him, but also don’t overdo it and lose yourself. Don’t act a certain way in order for them to choose you. Don’t expect an outcome. Be effortless.

Well if it’s raining, I certainly expect you to protect me from the rain, Mr. Umbrella man. I chose you.

But don’t I have a right to be wanted and to be chosen as well?

So fine, give a man attention… But not perform. Performative things aren’t authentic they say. But I like to flirt, and play, and put on a little show…. Is that not authentic to me? I guess it’s a fine line. Some women don’t usually perform unless it’s for a result. But I like to for my own entertainment as well. I feel good with a little performance.

So now I’m in bed with my teenage rage thinking, how do I let my crush know I like him without doing too much. How do I remove this stereotype that men need to take the lead all the time, every time?

They just need a little push right? Like when you push to open the umbrella open.

So how do I open this thing, so it can protect me from the rain?

Is there a right way?

Wish it was as easy as an umbrella.

And yes, every umbrella is different, I agree.

So we are frustrated, me and my inner kid.

I need to go pick up the umbrella and just choose one.

Take some inital action.

But I also want to be chosen, you know????
I also want the man to take some action.

Because I have been chosen before, and let me tell you, it makes holding up the umbrella much easier.

So do women have to make that first micro move? And if so, what is it?

Is it in the form of their energy? Or just straight up saying something or doing something?

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So now, I’m reading on how I need to shift my energy and it all makes more sense. 

But how to apply it – is the hard part. 

The crazy thing is this can all change fairly quickly, in a split second.

And it made me think about submission. Not in the kinky sexual sense. Though we alllllllll love that obviously as well. 

True submission starts in the mind. Submitting to the truth of the matter. Submitting to the feelings instead of guarding how you feel. Letting go of the fear. It’s not easy, but this is where I’m ready to grow. 

I normally am not a fearful person. In the past 5 years I have made such a huge shift into this hyper confident woman who realized how independent I am and all the things I have accomplished on my own.

And now, it’s time to dive into who is meant to experience this growth with me.

My current crush is not too bad of a candidate. I don’t know them personally yet, but it’s rainy season soon and I have my eye on this umbrella – I like what I see so far. 

I need to realize when the rain comes, I will need to hold it up confidently. 

I can do that part.

Always been able to do that part. But I need to not get a dead arm while doing it. 

Essentially, I need to support an umbrella that actually opens to begin with.

Because the rain can really pour hard sometimes and the umbrellas of 2025 are lazy and broken and somehow have received so much abuse and use that they’re in rough shape to begin with. It’s nobody’s fault either. Maybe parents? Trauma? Topic for another day.

And look, there’s nothing wrong with patching up a vintage or bashed up umbrella that is well made. 

It’s the guys that are mentally immature and emotionally incapable of being what they are meant to be that stay closed. They might be striving to be a pancho or something.

And again I can’t help to ask, what happened to the men of this generation? (A question for another time)

My teenage rage and I are still sitting here thinking, how do we break our own old patterns. 

I read online that even if you don’t speak to him, your body language and energy broadcast that “spike.”

People do subconsciously pick up on spikes like:

• sudden self-consciousness
• “I’m being watched”
• admiration mixed with fear

So when you think, “OMG it’s him..”

Our body goes inward → your energy pulls back → and he instinctively doesn’t approach.

Not because he’s scared of you.

Because the energy becomes tight and unavailable.

And that is what I have struggled with. It’s not that I am intimidating as a person. The energy I project sometimes is intense and not approachable. Rightfully so. 

I mean hey, I’m still intimidating in the right places, but overall I know I’m a sweet girl.

Just a little loud with the energy part. Still a bit of a teen in that department. 

The fix is not to “Act Cool” (acting cool is just another performance) just like you use to act cool in high school.

The fix is to shift the internal position from:

“oh my god it’s him!” → to: “of course he’s here — nice to see him.”

It’s a self-placement shift, not a behavior.

Think, that’s a nice umbrella, I wonder if it would open and protect me. I mean, I know my value and worth. I deserve a good umbrella. Yea!

When you first meet someone it should be easygoing. Not spiked and rebellious. That little teenage drama inside.

And this has now come to my attention.

I had been basking in this dark edgy “spiked” aura, thinking it was something that made me more desirable. This strong energy. This sultry untouchable woman. But in reality it’s a combination of a bad stereotype, thinking men are these steel bodies who can take anything and need to hone in the will and power to take the lead with everything.

I now see that maybe women do need to give guys a little nudge sometimes – at least in 2025. A man today needs reassurance in a safe environment. The world certainly is not a safe place anymore, nor is easy to read.

After all, women are the ones that set the tone for the environment. That’s why we carry the umbrella. 

The rain is just life, and we have to work together.