Today Sucked

Wow, what a horrible way to start my first blurb on WordPress.

But who cares? I guess we’ll see where this goes. It’s been years since I have had an outlet where I can express myself. That site no longer exists – well it does, kind of, but not for this country. Russia no longer allows Americans to access it – weird. Guess I gotta find my old site on the deep dark web one day.

Anyway, back on track. Today didn’t totally suck in it’s entirety. Just, life kinda sucks right now. My situation and all. Details to come eventually when I get into the groove of things – being vulnerable and all again.

Things just suck right now.

Holidays especially. It’s the most loneliest time of the year.

And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. But in the moment, how can you not feel that way.

Loneliness is the single most depressing and saddest thing there is I think. I’ve got no siblings. No family. And pathetically, I sometimes feel like I don’t even have any friends.

Maybe that’s the depression talking.

And maybe that’s the hopeful voice in my head thinking it isn’t all quite that shitty.

Maybe it’s a blend of both.

Cause everyone who is depressed has a little glimmer of hope that things will pan out. And when that glimmer of hope dissipates – that’s when suicide knocks on your door.

Wow. Not the post I was hoping to write, but – I have a really shit attitude stirring around in the air right now, and this is what came out.

Going to bed now. I don’t feel any better. Maybe take two tomorrow.